Gettin it right

my new favorite song from Glee:
What have I done? I wish I could run
Away from this ship goin under
Just tryin to help out everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders

What can you do when your good isn't good enough
And all that you touch tumbles down?
Cause my best intentions keep makin a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many times will it take?
Oh how many times will it take for me
To get it right
To get it right

Can I start again, with my fate again
Cause I can't go back and endure this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes,
But if I get stronger and wiser, I'll get through this

What can you do when you're good isn't good enough?
And all that you touch tumbles down?
Coz my best intentions keep makin a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me to
Get it right?

So I throw up my fists, throw a punch in the air,
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
I'll send down a wish and I'll send up a prayer
And finally someone will see how much I care

What can you do when you're good isn't good enough?
And all that you touch tumbles down?
My best intentions keep making a mess of things,
I just wanna fix it somehow
But how many times will it take? Oooh
How many times will it take for me
To get it right, to get it right?

emosi anit

There's a lot of things that I know about myself... some of those things I'm too embarrassed to say it out loud, while some things, let's just say, it won't really bother me if even the whole world knows.

One of those things is how I'm a crazy super emotional freak!

yeah, and I guess to those that know me, this would be the least surprising thing about me. I get emotional over everything and nothing. I get emotional when I'm book reading, movie watching, song listening... u name it, and I'm it. and the thing is, whenever I'm emotional (which maybe all the time) its clearly shown on my face. Zara used to always fist me whenever I get this certain reaction on my face that she's too familiar with.

a good friend, Bayern, once told me that its scientifically known that women have a larger Amygdala - the part in the brain in control of emotional reactions - compared to men and its also scientifically known that my own amygdala is far bigger than any normal woman. not that i believe him or anything but i guess i understand where he's coming from.

well, speaking about emotions, its just that for the past weeks that classes have started i just kinda feel that my head, my heart, my self, its been all over the place. up n down, high n low. everything seems to get blown into crazy proportions and as always, i find myself unable to control its direction.

hearing about some friends quitting their studies was kind of a big blow. here, we're thinking that the moment you start this so called journey, you're gonna see it to the end but destiny has its own mind. and seeing some people forced to give up is just plain sad.

being project manager for Malaysian Open Day was a really big pressure on me. the stress of all of it, the setting up, the execution, expectation was really a whirlwind. i can't even remember how many times I blew up in people's faces (which, I take this chance to apologize to anyone affected, it was in no means personal). honestly, I am proud for the success but deep down, I just think that somehow I could have done better.

see, the level of stress on my face.

then, there was the whole MASCA drama that damn, if I had to go through all that again, then just hmpphhhh*%*. If there's anything that I dislike the most, it would be being the bad guy and I'm not saying that becoz I'm such a nice person, but I just don't do cruelty. But again, as I've been told over and over again when it comes to works, your professionalism comes first, but that still doesn't mean that I can hate all this crap.

and how I wish all this craziness were only work related, but no. it had to go personal. well, i'm not gonna go into the details of it, but I kinda think i've 'dumped' a very good friend whom once upon a time I might have hoped for something more than that. that's why I don't do complicated relationship, they are just too complicated. the point is, though I feel a bit of regret, but for the sake of my own heart, maybe this is the best (I hope)

and to top it all up, i've really been self-doubting myself and this I really hate. I know I'm not a 100 percent confident person, but times when I doubt myself, the person that I am, the person I 'm going to be, well its not really something fun. we've been studying pharmacy management in class and i've been thinking more and more about my decisions, my course, my future. questions that I really don't have the answer nor do I want to bother answering.

oh yes, and not to mention that the world is nearing qiamat and I for one am really scared and terrified. and its not just Japan, its like its one disaster after the other. guess its kinda like a warning from the One up there, a reminder of how everything that happens, is all in his hands and we as humans really need to learn something from this.

on the bright side, mama n abah had a fantastic time in Indonesia and I can't wait for my parcel to arrive with all the goods and the food. also, kak lang is safe and sound back in Tanta and everyone back home seems fine. oh, and for this autumn break, i'll get to visit zara and the rest in adelaide so that should be some thing good to look up to.

being an emotional person has it perks, yes i have to agree to that, but man, for once how I just wish that I could be one of those calm, composed women who always look cool and collected. not the crazy girl who goes berserk every time in crisis. well let's just hope that as I get older (hopefully maturer) somehow, magically I can learn to take control and be less emotional and more rational.

its SMARTer then me

hari ni saya mula kelas balik... bestnye sem ni, Isnin FREE!!! jadi xdelah monday fever.. tapi xde monday fever, tuesday pun mesti kena fever jugak... liatnye laa hai nak pegi klas...

so hari ni, hari first saya jalan balik pergi uni lepas nak dekat 4 bulan jugaklah x mengexecrcisekan kaki ni... waduh2.. dia punye mengah tu... Tuhan jelah tahu... selalu2 pegi klas relax2... pandang kiri pandang kanan, tgk2 kalau2 ada mamat-mamat hot yg jogging ke... tapi hari ni, tak kuasa mak... dalam kepala asek pikir, bileler nak sampai ni... rasa macam jauh berbatu benor laa...tulah, duk kat umah x penah nye.. jangankan nak joging, nak kuar tgk taman (if u can call it that) yg dalam pagar umah sendiri pun x terbuat.. haaa, padanlaa muka...

hoooo... tapi sebenarnya nak citer pasal benda lain... sembenanya, hari ni, i went to get my new phone... kat sini, kitorg phone pakai contract.. so dah hbs 2 tahun renew laa... dapatlaa amik phone baru.. lepas tukan ni zaman canggih manggih, i pun nak laa henpon yang main touch2 je, xdelagi punat2 ni...

actually last week, sehari lepas sampai, dah pergi usha dah phone.. sampai2 je terus cakap ngn org tu "i want an iphone 4" then mamat bangla (rasanya laa, tak pun india kot) tu tanya balik, "why u want an iphone" then i pun macam.."just because..." haaa... tulah, sembenanya saya pun x tau napa laa nak sangat itepon ni... maybe sebab sume org pakai kot.. then rasa cool laa plak.. org tu pun katalah, ada lagi banyak choice lain yang cost worthy and still as good as an iphone because instead of guna apple store dia ade android utk apps dia. so terdiam jugaklaa saya... kena laa redecide balik... so the choice would be between:


mau nyanyi lagi ajai n nurul 'keliru' ni... hmmm..... mmg take time laa saya nak decide.. yelah, iphone kena bayar extra AUD 10, while yang lagi dua tu just AUD 5. memandangkan rent umah kitrg pun dah naik (500 jadi 543) kenalah blaja jimat2 kan... then saya buat laa research sikit.. ada satu review tu kata htc the best, tapi review yg satu tu jelah saya baca... alaa.. baca pun bukannya paham apa benda yg dia cakap... then pikir balik, htc tu macam gabak sangat, org kedai tu pun cakap, "its a guy's phone".. i x minat benda2 gabak2 ni... masa meeting MOD plak, sorg kawan ni pakai galaxy n sorg lagi htc... kinda liked the way samsung felt in my hands... plus dia cakap agak best laa apps android tu n its quite user friendly gak...

so the verdict went to: SAMSUNG GALAXY S

jadi hari ni, saya pegi amik... pastu bodek2 sikit laa mamat tu... dia pun kasik free for 3 months... ingat x yah bayar bil langsung 3 bulan, rupanya, x yah bayar yg extra AUD 5 tu utk 3 bulan... oklah tu.. kalau x bodek x dapat tau... then tanya dia nak beli cover n screen protector.. dia cakap beli dua2 dia nak kasi AUD 10... oklah... sekali dia check stock.. xde plak protector... jadi dia kasi cover free... pegi kedai lain plak belik protector to AUD 5.. haaa... untung mak...

ni laa hanpe nye.. cung x ? dalam gambar ni x cantik sgt sebab saya yg amik...hehe

bukan nak tayang sgt henponnye.. nak tayang student diary blkg tu.. nampak rajin sket..

tapi kan bile bawak balik... aduh... semart sangat laa phone ni... rasa diri ni plak yang kurang smart... mula2 tu x tau nak pindahkan contact camne... then bukak android market, nak try download game, ingat dh download, tapi cari2 x jumpa... x tahu dia gi mana... ni lagi best.. tgh2 kecoh2 tu, ada laa plak org kol... nak angkat kol pun den x reti... adussss... rasa teruji kepintaran.... seb baik ader muzek, housemate ku yang pintar lagi ayu... dia laa yang jadi tok guru... hisshhhh.. ni nak kena explore ni... babah suh baca buku dia... tapi seperti biasa, mestilah daku malas... alangkan buku sekolah pun malas baca apatah lagi manual henpon..

tapi kan.. sebenarnya, ni rahsia sikit... saya bukannya kesah sgt apps x apps, canggih x canggih sgt.. bukannye reti dan akan guna selalu pun.. its just that org lain pakai, kita pun rasa nak pakai gak...hehe... apalah diriku ini :)

dh boleh guna kaler2 balik