LIFE: me, myself and I

my sister, kak chik, the fourth one, she's 15... that's 6 years apart from me... being home, being here for her, makes me reminiscent on my days when I was 15.. if u ask me, i think 15 is a pretty cool age to be..

when you're 15, boys seem to be a really big deal... your girlfriends talk about them constantly, you talk about them constantly... i don't know what 15 year old boys think about but i could pretty much take a big guess that girls must be a really huge part of it...

when you're 15, relationship seems to be the 'it' thing... everyone has a 'couple'.. even if it isn't declared yet, gossip just flows around... and its not even about having someone you like or not, its about having that someone, even if its just so that you don't get left out..

when you're 15, looks are the utmost important... well, maybe not to all, but this is about the time, the fashionista girl and the macho guy is born... you fuss about the new pimple, the recent hair growth (if it hasn't started from 13 yet).. so then you experiment on facial product, hair product and every other product there is....

when you're 15, responsibility seems like a really foreign word.. it bears not that much of a significance.. not when money comes easy (mom n dad) and life just appears to be about existing and enjoying... the only biggest responsibility that you have is your room and maybe your grades...

when you're 15, life doesn't seem that bad....not utterly great, but not too bad... at school, you're neither the youngest nor the oldest... at home, your parents don't treat you like little kids nor do they treat you like adults...

when i was 15, i was neither clever not stupid, neither pretty nor ugly, neither famous nor loner... i had success and failure, relationships that were both good and bad , both friends and enemies...

now that i'm 21, if i could turn back time and be 15 again, i don't think there's much that i would change.... the cliche would be that 'what i did in the pass shapes the person i am now'... i would love to not be a cliche, but cliches become cliches for a reason, and in my case, i'm happy settling to be a cliche....

hidup kat dunia ni macam2 ragam kita...ader org nak yang tu.. ader org nak yang ni... kenapa ye?

jawapan kepada soalan tu rasanya sangatlah kompleks dan memerlukan bertahun belajar macam2 ilmu psychology, philosophy dan paling penting sekali peoplogy! yup, ilmu tentang manusia tu sendiri.. sebab, at the end of the day, ragam2 yang pelbagai ni semuanye berpunca dari sebab yang satu tu.. sebab kita manusia..

sebagai manusia, setiap kita dianugerah dengan perasaan dan pemikiran yang berbeza. kita juga dibesarkan dengan environment, ideologi dan tatacara kehidupan yang berbeza. hasilnya, setiap dari kita punya keperluan dan kemahuan yang berbeza.. kalau dari segi relatifnya, mungkin keperluan kita lebih kurang sama... we all want the basic essentials of life.. materialistically, kita semua nak ader tempat berteduh, pakaian, makanan n so on.. emotionally, kita nak ader company, kita nak ader org lain yang wujud bersama kita selain diri kita..tapi, bile bercakap pasal kemahuan, itu yang besar memisahkan seorang dengan seorang yang lain... mahu orang ni rumah yang besar kat atas bukit, kat depan laut.. mahu orang lain pula, rumah yang kecil dan comel di tengah sawah... mahu orang ni, baju yang fashion tekini, mahu orang lain, baju yang asal selesa sudah...

dari perasaan2 dan pendapat2 berbeza ni lah timbulnye konflik... ia mugkin konflik yang kecil je macam nak naik apa pegi uni hari ni... kawan kita nak naik tram, kita plak nak jalan kaki... kepadalah konflik yang lagi besar macam, parti politik ni nak keluarkan dasar ni tapi parti yang lagi satu nak keluarkan dasar yang jauh bertentangan... dulu masa sekolah belajar pasal konflik ni dalam kemahiran hidup, x sangkalah pulak, konflik tu boleh timbul dalam setiap sudut of our life and in every decision yang kita kena buat...

tapi...takkanlah hanya sebab kita semua nak benda yang lain2, kita perlu berpecah belah, bergaduh-gaduh... kita semua tahu, benda gaduh2 ni x pernah end well.. berapa banyak cerita tah yang kita dah belajar masa sejarah dulu pasal sultan gaduh2 akhirnye negeri jatuh ke tangan British...Al-Quran banyak sgt kisah dan peringatan supaya manusia ni hidup bersatu-padu dan jangan bercerai-berai (sile rujuk pada yang lebih pakar ye..) tinggal lagi kita nak amik pengajaran ke tidak...

kalau nak tunggu satu hari yang mana semua kita ni akan ader kehendak dan kemahuan yang sama, rasanya till the end of day pun x kan ader.. sebab tulah, rasanya kat sinilah konsep berlapang dada tu sangat penting...

the first step in doing so is kita kena acknowledge first yang kita ni berbeza... kita sendiri kena faham yang apa yang kita nak x sama ngn apa org lain.. tak adillah rasanya kalau kita nak org lain faham, tapi kita sendiri x faham... so, the main point is fahamlah hakikat bahawa saya dan awak berbeza dan perbezaan itu sesuatu yang normal

step kedua, terima perbezaan itu.. this maybe the hardest step.. sebab kita pun ader mahu kita yang lain dari mahu dia.. so, kat sinilah konsep agree to disagree.. kita sama2 setuju yang kita sama2 x setuju.. yang penting kat sini, kita kena positive thinking.. kita anggaplah bahawa bile kita terima kehendak orang tu, the feeling would be mutual...no gaduh2 no banyak2 nak serabut..

and the final step adalah redha... the moment we make a decision utk terima kehendak dia, hati kita juga perlu meredhai decision itu.. ni yang selalu bermasalah ngn kita ni.. kat mulut cakap OK kat hati cakap KO.. understandably, it really is hard utk capai tahap hati yang mudah redha ni - saya sendiri cukup paham n tahu.. tapi i do think that with practice and preservation insyaAllah we can do it...

apa sekali pun, we still have to look at the good side of things.. sebab kan ragam manusia ni yang macam2 laa kita dapat hidup dekat dunia yang penuh warna-warni dan sgt interesting ni... Allah knows best tujuan dia letak kita kat dunia ni, tinggal lagi utk kita hargai...

sebab x sempat nak hantar salam perantauan yg solo ke utusan or berita harian, letak jelah kat sini eh...heheh

as i take on this new responsibility i pray to ALLAH:

to give me the strength to keep up with everything

to give me the power to speak out my mind wisely and rationally

to give me the passion to make firm on my beliefs

to make me humble and not arrogant

to make me selfless without being selfish

to make me organized and never be a mess

but most importantly,

to provide me guidance through the path you have chosen for me

and never let me get lost in that chosen path

Allah lebih tahu yang terbaik untuk umatnye :)

Someone gave this to me anonymously (whoever u are, tenkiu ;) and i've already shared it during my usrah session.. now i'm sharing it here... i've compressed it a bit for easier understanding. Let's struve for our best for these few last amazing nights okay? n

We take a break from our jobs for almost everything in life. Why not this time to focus on worshiping and thanking our Creator.

2. Do Itikaf

It was a practice of the Prophet to spend the last ten days and nights of Ramadan in the masjid for Itikaf.

3. Make this special Dua

Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, said: I asked the Messenger of Allah: 'O Messenger of Allah, if I know what night is the night of Qadr, what should I say during it?' He said: 'Say: O Allah, You are pardoning and You love to pardon, so pardon me.' "(Ahmad, Ibn Majah, and Tirmidhi).

The transliteration of this Dua is "Allahumma innaka `afuwwun tuhibbul `afwa fa`fu `annee"

4. Recite the Quran

Perhaps you can choose Surahs or passages from the Quran which you have heard in Tarawih this past Ramadan to recite.

5. Reflect on the meaning of the Quran

Choose the latest Surah or Surahs you've heard in Tarawih and read their translation and Tafseer. Then think deeply about their meaning and how it affects you on a personal level.

6. Get your sins wiped out

Abu Huraira narrated that the Messenger said: Whoever stands (in prayer) in Laylatul Qadr while nourishing his faith with self-evaluation, expecting reward from Allah, will have all of his previous sins forgiven. [Bukhari and Muslim).

Don't just pray using the shorter Surahs that you know. Try to make your prayers longer, deeper and meaningful. If you are familiar with longer Surahs, read the translation and explanation and then pray reciting these Surahs, carefully reflecting on the meaning while you pray.

Even if you are only familiar with the shorter Surahs, read the translation and explanation beforehand, and then pray reflecting on the message of the Surahs.

This is a good way to develop the habit of concentration, even in regular prayers, where many of us tend to be fidgety and/or easily distracted.

7. Make a personal Dua list.

Ask yourself what you really want from Allah. Make a list of each and everything, no matter how small or how big it is, whether it deals with this world or not. Allah loves to hear from us. Once this list is ready, you can do three things:

• Ask Allah to give you those things
• Think about what actions you have taken to get those things
• Develop a work plan to get those things in future.

8. Evaluate yourself.

Ask yourself those questions that need to be asked. Do an evaluation of where you are and where you are going. Let this evaluation lead you to feel happiness for the good you have done and remorse for the bad you have done. This latter feeling should make it easier to seek Allah's sincere forgiveness when making the Dua mentioned in tip number one above.

9. Make long, sincere and deep Duas

One of the best times to do this is during the last part of the night.

Abu Huraira, may Allah be pleased with him, related that the Prophet said: When the last one-third of the night remains, our Lord, the Glorious One descends towards the heaven of the earth and proclaims: Who is that who supplicates for Me, and I grant his supplication? Who is that who begs Me for anything and I grant it to him? And who is that who seeks My forgiveness, and I forgive him? (Bukhari, Muslim).

That means for instance, waking up one hour before Suhoor time to ask Allah for anything and everything you want that is Halal. This can be done using the Duas of the Sunnah, but also Dua in your own language, with sincerity and conviction.

10. Memorize a different Dua every night

They don't have to be long. They can be just one line. And be sure to know what they mean generally at least, even if you don't know the exact translation in English.

You can put them on index cards (or and keep them with you during the day, glancing at them during work, while driving, waiting in line, etc.) Then practice them at night in prayer.

11. Have Iftar with the family

If you've spent Iftar time on weekdays in your cubicle at work alone with a couple of dates, now is the last few days you'll have this Ramadan to spend with your family. Use it wisely.

12. Take the family to Tarawih

Have your spouse and kids missed Tarawih most of Ramadan because you weren't there to drive them to the Masjid, which is too far away to walk to? If so, do all of yourselves a favor and bring everyone for Tarawih in these last ten nights.

13. Attend the Dua after the completion of Quran recitation

Almost all Masjids where the Imam aims to finish an entire reading of the Quran in Tarawih prayers in Ramadan will be completing their recitation in these last ten nights. They may try to end on one of the odd nights and read the Dua at the end of a reading of the Quran. Attend this particular night's Tarawih prayer with your family. See if you can attend different Masjids' Tarawih prayers the night they finish reading the Quran.

14. Finish reading a book on the Prophet

Read about the Prophet's life, which can increase your love for him and Islam by seeing how much he struggled for Allah's sake. It may inspire you to push yourself even harder during these last ten nights.

15. Plan for the next year

Once you've done a self-evaluation, you can plan on where you want to go, at least in the next 12 months. Laylatul Qadr is a great night to be thinking about this (without taking away from your worship), since you'll Insha Allah, be in a more contemplative state. You may choose to dedicate one night of power for evaluation and one night for planning for the next year.

16. To do list for the Night of Power

Make a to do checklist for each Night of Power. This should define how you would like your night, the one better than a thousand months, to be used. Pick things from this list and define the sequence you would like to do things in. This will help you avoid wasting your time in unproductive chats which common in the festive atmosphere of Masjids at the Night of Power.

all credits go to the original writer: Abdul Malik Mujahid @ http://www.soundvision.com/info/ramadan/10.16things.asp

Don't know what's happened to me this semester... last monday i ponteng morning lecture becoz... emmm.. i was simply tooo malas to get my butt of the katil... but today, on one of the few days i was really really looking forward to pegi lecture... terponteng jugak.. nak buat macam mana menstrual pain is a dem nuisance ok.. don't wanna disturb the class with my whole groaning n twisting every few minutes (as if they really bother)... got me thinking.. ni kalau period pain sikit - understatement ok, today sakit giler... macam mana sakit being pregnant ek.. alamatnye 9 bulan x pegi keje.. bye2 laa pay check..huhu.. hang on a bit.. awat jauh sangat pikir.. hish.. these hormones are making me crazy.. but back to present, the good news is tak yah poser (yeay, boleh buat kuih raya tanpa perlu menahan nafsu) tapi still in time for semayang raya.... the bad news, i'm gonna miss out on the best 10 nights of Ramadhan :(

off to lectopia land... zzzzzzz

My uni friend asked me today, does Lalilatul Qadr start tonight. I answered, today's 20th Ramadhan, so I guess so.. but then I saw this.. Lailatul Qadr is not just a night, but its goal that we build up every night to anticipate the coming of this night. when and how it'll happen, Allah knows best.. not to leave us guessing but to make us aware that every night (and every day for that matter) is a chance for us to seek his love, guidance and redemption. may Allah meet us all with the most awarded night of Lailatul Qadr... Ameen..

today's 31st August.. the day my country gains its independence..

gifted to us, the latter generations by a our founding forefathers

with every bead of sweat, every ounce of effort to search for that ray of sunshine

to finally award us with the meaning of freedom

but i'm starting to wonder what the real price is behind this so called freedom

if my country men are throwing away their lives as if it means nothing

if my country women give birth to the future generation only to dump them in drains and sewers

if the only way to get around is through so called political conspiracy

and if the word merdeka finally means nothing more than a day of festivities and getting drunk.

I love my country and I'm not ashamed to admit it

flaws and faults, it still is the place I consider home

Just that I hope we could all get to finally believe

that being merdeka is not just about getting independence for the state

but also independence of the mind, the soul and the heart

the mind to be put together to build a nation able to withstand the hardship of the world

the soul to put aside our differences and hold on to each other as we fight our enemies

and the heart to believe that the love that we have for this country is pure and true.

Happy Independence Day, Malaysia.

for the rest of my life

I praise Allah for sending me you my love
You found me home and sail with me
And I`m here with you
Now let me let you know
You`ve opened my heart
I was always thinking that love was wrong
But everything was changed when you came along
OOOOO
And theres a couple words I want to say

For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you. loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart
I feel so blessed when I think of you
And I ask Allah to bless all we do
You`re my wife and my friend and my strength
And I pray we`re together in jannah
Now I find myself so strong
Everything changed when you came along
OOOO
And theres a couple word I want to say

For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you. loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart now that you`re here
Infront of me I strongly feel love
And I have no doubt
And I`m singing loud that I`ll love you eternally

For the rest of my life
I`ll be with you
I`ll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I`ll be loving you.loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I`ll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I I`ll be there for you

I know that deep in my heart

Artist: Maher Zain
Album: Thank You Allah
Copyright: Awakening Records 2009

bile laaa ader org nak dedicatekan lagu ni ye.. hmmm...heheh